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2012.05.03 – Stupid As Charged!

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2012.05.03-Stupid As Charged

Bardus est ut Bardus Does

This week’s “Stupid As Charged” consists of four stories which all share the theme of stupid, dumb, strange, weird, or in some other way are worthy of a dunce cap rating. In particular this episode; stupidity even after conviction, sorry officer I am in hurry I need to sell my weed, when mailing weed check the address and if your dope is hacked dial 911.

2012.04.19-Stupid As Charged

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2012.04.19-Stupid As Charged

Bardus est ut Bardus Does

This week’s “Stupid As Charged” consists of three stories which all share the theme of stupid, dumb, strange, weird, or in some other way are worthy of a dunce cap rating. In particular this episode; A Facebook Thief, Robber with a fake gun, and A 911 emergency that you will have to hear to believe.

Facebook picture reveals a crime against police

WYMT

A 20-year-old man in Letcher County admits he stole gas from a police cruiser as he posed for a picture while the hose was in the police crusier‘s tank as he waved at them with an obscene hand gesture and I don’t think that he was saying they were number one.  This, quoted from Baker,

“We was just standing there and thought it would be funny to take a picture and then post it on Facebook.”

Baker’s girlfriend snapped the picture of him that she says was meant to be a joke. But, it wasn’t so funny when the cuffs were put on Baker and he was put in the back of a police cruiser.  “We don’t steal anyway, but we’re sorry,” said

Joann Sandelin, Baker’s girlfriend.  At first the duo was reluctant to talk, but as the interview continued, Baker loosened up and his honesty might surprise you.

“I got a little bit of gas. I ain’t gonna lie.  But, not much.  I couldn’t get much.  I tried, but there wasn’t much in it,”

said Baker.  A little gas or a lot of gas, it is still the same crime in the eyes of law enforcement.  “If they’re going to do it to a police car, they’re going to do it to just about anybody,” said Jenkins Police Chief, Allen Bormes.  Baker spent a night in jail for his offense and was charged with theft by unlawful taking, but he says he is not sorry for what he did.  Officials at the Jenkins Police Department say they are taking necessary precautions to avoid another event like this one and plan to have lockable gas caps in the near future.

This story won a unanimous vote of 4.5 on the Dunce meter.

We went with this song from Cody:

  • Facebook Phoney

Ex-con allegedly targets cops for robbery

stupidcriminalfile.blogspot.com

An ex-con allegedly tried to rob two people in New York, police said, but didn’t notice his intended victims were police officers — in uniform.

Police said 33-year-old Jermaine Washington allegedly was so intent on robbing someone Saturday that he pulled a fake handgun on the two uniformed armed police officers as they walked through Riverside Park, The New York Daily News said.

“It was stupid criminal tricks,” a police source said.  “The guy didn’t even look to see who was coming.”

After Washington allegedly pulled his fake gun, the two officers drew their real weapons and Washington surrendered after a short but tense standoff.

This story won an unanimous vote of Five on the Dunce meter.

We chose this song from Red Murphy:

  • Bulletproof

911 Help!! I Gotta Pee!!

Miaminewtimes

Does a bear pee in the woods?  That’s an easy question.  Does a Florida meth-head pee in the woods?  That’s apparently a more complicated question than one could ever imagine.  Marcia Usher, 32 of Hudson, Florida, called 911 and reported that she was lost in the woods and didn’t know where to pee.  Maybe Usher is a bit more pee shy than us, because we’d assume the woods was one big urinal.  Turns out, however, Usher wasn’t even lost in the woods at all.  According to WTSP and the Pasco Sheriff’s Office, deputies responded Wednesday night to Usher’s house to find her nowhere near the woods, but rather in her own front yard.  She seemed intoxicated and was drinking a beer.  After receiving permission, officers searched a nearby cooler.  Usher said that there was a knife inside.  Instead they found a handgun placed on top a bunch of cold beer.  After a brief struggle, Usher was handcuffed.  During a strip search at jail, authorities discovered a small vile with meth residue on Usher’s person.  Usher now faces charges of carrying a concealed weapon without a permit, possession of methamphetamine, introduction/possession of contraband in a detention facility, and resisting arrest without violence.

No word on whether she ever found anywhere to pee.

This one won a 4.5 dunce meter rating with 2 votes.

We chose this very fitting song for this story.

Background music provided by Gavin Salkeld. Gavin is kind enough and with the new media order well enough to provide Indie Nation with all it’s background music for IDs, themes and promos. You can find out more about Gavin and his music at Salkeld Music.

The song “Stupid as Charged” is by Carrie Dahbny (also check out Bad Rapport) and Devo Spice (also at The FuMP) of The FuMP which is short for Funny Music Project. Also, many of the artists we feature on Indie Nation can be found at Mevio’s Music Alley.

Stupid As Charged – Episode 006 – Stolen Clothes, Trees and Spraying Breast Milk

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Danger Will Robinson!  Not Safe For Work content ahead. If that bugs you, please go elsewhere.  This is a show about the stupid things criminals do.  Please  understand that they alone surpass our expectations for what would be safe at a workplace.  Perhaps that has to do with them not having much employment outside of the pen, perhaps it tis just lack of occupancy in the cranial cavity.  I am also leaving out our own need for epitaphs in order to describe the events.

We did this one a bit differently,  “Boz” is currently stuck working.  Lumpy and Leiser are on a slightly different schedule than him.  Lumpy can make time for both but Leiser had obligations that could not make the time Boz was available.  Thus you will notice only two of us on at any given time.  Nonetheless, still a great show.

How Not to Shoplift

Two similar and related stories to start off this episode.  Both were mentioned at Gawker but are worth the hops to the original articles as well.  To those of you eager to lift items from stores and evade the authorities, here are a few rules you might wish to incorporate:

  1. If you are trying to avoid the law, avoid court houses and police stations. Apparently, showing up for court, is one way to be recognized.  Shoplifting Academy flunky, Ashlie Marie Carter was arrested at the Provo Courthouse when she showed up to court for an unrelated charge.  Previously, she managed to flee a shop where she, according to staff, lifted some undergarments.  At first, she denied the shoplifting but, when returning the items was suggested by authorities to help with her sentence, she had her mother arrive with the items she supposedly never took.  As an editorial note, we may wish to add dough-nut shops to the list.   Such stupidity is, however, not limited to the State of  Utah… Let us cover rule two and skip across the pond to Britain.       
  2. If you are due in court, don’t wear the items you allegedly stole. While it may seem like a no brainer to those who have gray matter in their cranial cavities, Stephen Kirkbride must have let those cell slip on over to the dark and dumb side.  Not only did he show up in court wearing the top coat, complete with tears where the price tags were removed but his excuse was so flimsy that the prosecutor actually asked “You’re making this up as you go along, aren’t you?”  and the magistrate dismissed the excuse as “completely implausible”.  There was no mention of returning the damaged goods in this story. 

Stupid as Charged Episode 005 – Bad Weed Toss, Luggage and Posting

POSTED ON July 14th  - POSTED IN Comedy, news, NSFW, Podcasts, SAC, Stupid, Stupid As Charged, Stupid Criminals
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How Not to Ditch Your Weed

Pinhole-camera

Image via Wikipedia

A very fresh article at Yahoo News  a man, hanging out his sun roof, tosses a bag of weed onto a police car!  We could not determine if the man was actually the driver of the vehicle but the article did state that he was hanging torso deep out of the vehicle via the sun roof.

File this one under how to get busted in one stupid easy step.

It just seemed right to play “Behind Red Eyes” by Killer Kona Buds.

Stupid as Charged – Episode 003 – Liver, Brownies and Bologna

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Man Found Eating Human Remains

A short disturbing article at Yahoo! News

Mustardface

reports that police arrested a man who was, at the time of the arrest, eating a human liver.  The dish was garnished with potatoes and the police were led to the man after, according to the AP article, following a trail of human body parts across Moscow.  Police in the story refer to the victim as an “aquatiance” and did not know the cause of death.  The remaining portion of liver was found in the man’s fridge.  What no onions?

Relaxation Brownies

Sticking with both food and Yahoo! News it seems that some states are getting upset over what are being called “relaxation brownies”.  It seems that the Lazy Cakes which display a big smiled brownie on the packaging are under attack and reportedly have even caused hospitalization of a two year old.  The company states that they are labeled as an adult item.  The reason these cakes make one lazy is due to the fact that they contain the unregulated dietary supplement of melat0nin, about 25 times the amount prescribed for adults, 8 milligrams of the substance in each cake.  I gotta tell ya.. i just tried one and they aren’t too ba….. zzzzz

Stupid as Charged – Episode 002 – Goats and Woman’s Prison – NSFW

POSTED ON May 20th  - POSTED IN Featured Podcast, news, NSFW, Podcasts, SAC, Stupid As Charged
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NSFW is tasty

Image by superpixel via Flickr

This is a podcast of Jeff and I actually doing podcasts.  We are each recording a separate news items.  More or less, these are a few of those news stories that we could not make up.

We wish to get it out of the way immediately.  This is a NSFW podcast which means it is Not Safe For Work.    This podcast contains adult content and is intended for an adult audience.

First I read one that may be considered a warm up, a man, who thought he was taking a shortcut to a local park, ends up trapped in a woman’s prison.  In a cute twist of irony, the town’s mayor called the police to rescue him.

Story two is what we spend the bulk of our amazement on, it is a twisted, sick, hard to believe oddity. All I will say here is that it involves a pygmy goat, one twisted male and women’s undergarments.

Then there is the music

This News is for the Dogs

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Man Arrested for Barking at Police Dog

Please Use Caution Trained Police DogI can’t help but say this… this is a story that is for the dogs.  Quoting from Scene Magazine Cleveland:

Cops in a Cincinnati suburb charged 25-year-old Ryan Stephens with teasing a police pup. An officer was working a crash scene near a bar when he heard his faithful K-9 companion barking. He returned back to the car to investigate, only to find Stephens barking at the dog through the window of the cop car.

The officer said the man seemed intoxicated and claimed that the dog started it.  Bad Dogie

Stupid As Charged – Episode 001 ~ Fishy High Cats Dead Cop Tickets.

POSTED ON February 24th  - POSTED IN Featured Podcast, Podcasts, SAC, site, Stupid, Stupid As Charged
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StupidIdiot

Stupid Idiots

Something fishy is watching me:

 

dead-fish

Bubbles was scheduled for a court appearance, she never made it.

OMFG I didn’t know that gold fish were considered creditable witness to a crime, but sure as shit.  This 19 year old from the Chicago area is arrested for burglary.  Also charged with killing the fish in the fish tank to Leave no witnesses. My hell he could have just ate them, or threatened them with a cat, a fishing pole.  How dumb do you have to be to kill fish using ketchup, mustard, and hot-sauce thinking they would go blug blub blub I saw him it was the one armed man!  I saw him do it.  Stoopid, kid only the babblefish from HitchHickers Guide to the Gallaxy would speak but then again its speaks out of its ass.  +1 on the stoopid scale for that one.

 

Willy Wonka’s Meth House, say what? :

MethHead

MethHead

Imaging you and your family and pets are enjoying a night at home, and you smell something funky from the downstairs apartment, and you realize that the pink elephant and walking mushroom aren’t real and your cat stops vomiting on your carpet.  You know something is up!  Well well don’t be too quick to judge here, in SOUTHWEST GREENSBURG, Pa, this happened to be the case.  The apartment renter claims he has 28 different chemicals in the apartment the man  Not Charged, Says He Was ‘Trying To Find New Novel Substances’

QUOTE:

I wasn’t trying to make anything illegal,” he told Ingram.
When asked if he was specifically making the drug Ecstasy, the man replied,

“No, but things that might have the same effects as ecstasy, but not with the same chemical structure.”

Come on dude!  You aren’t Willy Wonka, and sure as hell were not making the ever lasting gobstopper.  +1 stoopid ass.  Now I wonder if the cat will recover.

 

 

Red light Green light, Tickets in Baltimore this dead cop write:

Officer James Fowler

Officer James Fowler (R.I.P)

Only in America ‘Trust Us’  , Baltimore Maryland has a system setup at many stop lights that will take a picture of red light runner, and mails the car owner a ticket in the mail.  Under law, the state of Maryland requires that all ‘photo cop’ pictures are reviewed by and sign by a real police officer.  The only problem for the past several month, these ‘hand signed’ violation were signed by an Officer that passed away in 2010.   Well then, if you pay these tickets guilty or not we say you are stoopid, and the city of Baltimore has one foot in the grave and suffers from cranial rectal inversion syndrome!  +1 If you cant trust stoopid dead Cops, you can’t trust anyone.

 

 

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